My 90 day journey of a new weight loss so far (Part 4)


Howdy everybody, today please to continue one’s weight loss story.

See more: My 90 day journey of a new weight loss so far (Part 3)

4-2-14: Still starving and today was way worse. My step dad ordered a bunch of fried oysters and I almost stole one when no one was looking. Drove me nuts. Still driving me nuts. Mom made me an omelet for breakfast and we ate out for lunch. I had to turn down all the sides because none of them were healthy.

On the way home I told my sister I didn’t know why I couldn’t have just one piece of cake. I feel deprived. Had an orange tonight I couldn’t peel. My sister said, “Oh Jeez” when I said I was always starving. I told her I couldn’t help it. Didn’t exercise today although in the morning I’m supposed to go with her to a spinning class. We stopped at a produce stand and they were selling boiled peanuts.

I wanted them but not as bad as the oysters. I’m plotting buying that new flavor of Haagen Daazs when I get home. I can’t stand not trying it.

4-3-14: Had a boiled egg for breakfast and a protein shake. Worked out with my sister in her spinning class. Had to pace myself. Had a late lunch. Between the class, stairs and walking around a festival, plus joining in a staged pillow fight at a park, I got my exercise. For lunch I had a gyro, no bread, tabouli, and hummus. Had chicken, spinach, and salad for dinner with a handful of blueberries.

4-4-14: Had yogurt for breakfast, turkey and two oranges for lunch, pork steak, salad, and turnips for dinner, and a smoothie for dessert. Had four cheese sticks in between and more smoked turkey. Am so starving cause I ran out of my appetite suppressant. Walked on the beach with my sister.

4-5-14: Blew my diet tonight at dinner. Had a Lean Cuisine and that Haagen Daazs flavor I’ve been dying to try since last month. Walking around the airport was my exercise. Back from vacation. Had yogurt and strawberries for breakfast, string cheese for snack, a pork chop and turnips for lunch. Worn out and going to bed now. Not done unpacking but will finish tomorrow.

4-6-14: Had four cheese sticks for breakfast late, got my weekly injection, more Stay Slim, had hamburger, no bread for lunch, cheese on side. Walked my dog 45 mins. Had blackberries for snack, and more cheese then salmon for dinner. Didn’t tell the clinic I cheated on my diet last night. They think I’m going to have a good Friday this week when I come in for my appointment. Have to exercise like hell till then and hope I lose weight.

4-7-14: Walked the dog 40 minutes today and 45 yesterday. Skipped breakfast and had a hamburger, no bread for lunch, snacked on 17 grapes (allowed), had salmon and beets for dinner. Still starving. Polished off the Laughing Cow Cheese but still hungry.

Stayed up too late. Got a bunch of research studies coming up this month and next so fitting in exercise will be hard but I have to do it somehow. My sister’s girlfriend asked if I had a scale and I said no. She offered to let me use theirs my last day there but I didn’t want to know my weight.

4-8-14: Saw my therapist. She empathizes with my struggle with my weight. I told her about my vacation and my cravings. Skipped breakfast, had ham for lunch, walked the dog 40 minutes, had a pork chop for dinner with asparagus but later had extra pieces of ham because I was starving.

Had a horrible nightmare about my dad. Tomorrow night is the annual Relay for Life I always go to so I’ll get my exercise there walking around as usual.

4-9-14: I blew my diet again. Holly made me a birthday cake and I had two pieces. It was so good. I’m supposed to get weighed today at the clinic. What a sugar rush! Wrote down the one piece of cake in my tracker but not the second. Any exercise that might have helped me with the scale today is null and void now.

My mind is still trying to rationalize that I can eat what I want as long as I exercise like hell but I know that’s just a cop out, looking for a loophole as is my norm. There was a horribly anorexic guy on “Dr Oz” last night but he wouldn’t go to treatment. Dr. Oz told him he was going to die.

4-10-14: I got weighed at the clinic and I lost 4 ½ lbs. Can’t believe it considering I cheated on red velvet cake last night and today. I took Ripley to Relay for Life in Fort Worth and walked around so we got our exercise in.

Skipped breakfast unless you count 17 grapes allowed, had pork chop for lunch, and egg beaters (2) for dinner. Had a sugar crash from the cake and felt really sick. Was worn out all day from the sugar. So my total weight lost so far is now 17 ½ lbs.

4-11-14: One more piece of that cake left. I walked the dog 30 mins., had ham and cheese for breakfast, no bread, turkey and cheese for lunch, and two chicken thighs for dinner though I wound up eating two boiled ones later and am still starving. Plus I had a piece of cake again. Tomorrow I get my monthly B12 shot from my doctor. I have appts. every day this week.

4-12-14: I walked for an hour today. Finished the cake. Got my B12 shot from the doctor and will get my injection at the clinic tomorrow plus will see my new psychiatrist for the first time and ask him to put me on something that won’t make me gain weight.

Had turkey for breakfast, salmon for lunch, and snapper for dinner, with some cheese in between. Have been eating 17 grapes per day since that’s the limit per day. When the clock strikes midnight I have them. Am I a bit obsessed? Why, yes, of course. I must’ve come out of the womb obsessed with food. Meanwhile I found out about some free feeding tube supplies for my daughter who won’t eat.

4-13-14: Had Ovaltine for breakfast with skim milk. Walked 40 mins. Had eggs for lunch but not till 5. Had my 17 grapes. Felt kind of sick last night. Saw the new psychiatrist and he’s putting me back on Depakote but wants me to wean off the Cymbalta.

He said the dose of Depakote is so low I shouldn’t gain weight but if I do to let him know. I explained to him I was in a weight loss program. Still haven’t eaten dinner and it’s almost 10 p.m. Tomorrow I have my weekly appt. with the clinic doctor at the weight loss clinic. I hope I walked all that cake off that I ate for the last several days.

4-14-14: I lost 2 lbs., that’s a total of 19 now. I walked 45 mins. Had four eggs for breakfast, black beans for lunch.

4-15-14: Didn’t get to exercise today cause I had a research study. Had two pieces of Canadian bacon for breakfst, four eggs for lunch, and a turkey burger, no bread for dinner. Almost cheated with cookies at the research study but didn’t.

Almost bought dessert tonight but didn’t. My boss has the flu. Was worn out when I got home even though it was only a half day research study. Still have this cold. Now I have to start my 30 min. exercise routine over tomorrow for a week then go back to 45 mins. to build up again.

4-16-14: Walked Ripley 30 mins. Had chicken biscuit for breakfast (cheated), had lean turkey and cheese for lunch, salmon for dinner, plus cheese in between. Almost bought dessert but didn’t. Still over 200 lbs. Still have a cold and run down.

4-17-14: Had turkey for breakfast, chicken noodle soup for lunch cause I have a cold, cheated with a chocolate cupcake cappuchino because of the cold again, and had Chinese for dinner though I didn’t cheat at the buffet like last time.

Then later was still hungry so had two more pieces of turkey and a can of beets. Almost cheated at the Chinese buffet with Jon but didn’t but didn’t get to walk my dog today because it rained all day. Was miserable with this cold all day and tonight.

Today is the nine-year anniversary of McKenna’s adoption finalization in court. Was watching the movie “Julie and Julia” and had to turn the channel when they showed chocolate cake.

4-18-14: Blew my diet on grocery store samples and dinner. Didn’t get to walk the dog again today because it continued to rain and I’m still sick with this cold. Mom told me about something called Exercise TV. Had shaved turkey for breakfast, a pork chop for lunch, and a burrito for dinner.

4-19-14: Still got this cold. Walked the dog 45 minutes. Had a pork chop for breakfast, hamburger, no bread for lunch, and a four-ounce steak for dinner with two servings of salad. Almost didn’t exercise. Had nightmares about my weight. Watched some of Kirstie Alley’s new show again about her weight.

4-20-14: Blew my diet with two bowls of organic ice cream. Walked the dog 30 mins. Saw my therapist. Had a four-ounce steak for lunch, my 17 grapes although I think I had too many, and a hamburger, no bread for dinner. Was starving later, thus the ice cream. My boss gave me some turkey burgers he didn’t want.

4-21-14: Lost 2 lbs. more for a total of 21. Was surprised given the two bowls of organic ice cream last night and this a.m. Walked 35 mins. Had ice cream for breakfast, turkey burger, no bread for lunch, four cheesesticks, four watermelon cubes, turkey and cheese for dinner. Got groceries. Didn’t get much sleep. Talked to the doctor about cravings at the weight loss clinic.

4-22-14: Just found out my family doctor took a job in Chicago and is leaving. I ate six servings of sugar-free pudding. Got an encouragement card from my sister. Still have this cold. Had turkey for breakfast and pudding for a snack. Didn’t get much sleep. Have a research study this afternoon. Dread it but I need the money. The weight loss doctor told me I’d always have to battle cravings.

4-23-14: Walked Ripley 45 mins. at the Benbrook Relay as usual. Wore me out. Blew my diet at lunch with Chinese with Margaret, then had a hot dog at the relay though I had eaten dinner because my blood sugar was crashing.

Then came home and had two salads. Had four eggs for breakfast and was still starving then. Almost stopped on the way home from the relay and got ice cream but didn’t. Didn’t get to get my regular injection this week because I was too tired today.

4-24-14: Did some lifting today so I’m counting that as exercise for the day. Had four eggs for breakfast, pet sat, ran errands, tried to talk to my Weight Watcher friend who doesn’t agree with the program I’m in but she doesn’t battle physical food cravings like I do.

I dreamed about food. Had a turkey pork chop for lunch, four pineapple cubes, two tangelos (too much fruit), then cheated at dinner and had leftover Chinese from my friend. Starving now at 8:30 at night.

4-25-14: Had four eggs for breakfast, salmon for lunch. Had weird dreams. Tonight’s birthday night but I doubt I’ll go because of all the desserts. I need to bring a dessert but I’ll probably just drop something off that I don’t like, which is a trick I learned a long time ago. Going to the grocery store last night was like going into a bar. So many temptations but I didn’t give in.

4-26-14: Skipped breakfast, was starving all day, had fish for lunch, artichoke hearts, carrots, alfalfa sprouts, bean sprouts, steak for dinner. Walked Ripley 30-40 minutes. Didn’t get much sleep last night.

Still have this cold. Today’s my dad’s birthday. He would’ve been 76. Some guy at a bus stop tried to talk to me about his coke and heroin addiction while I was walking Ripley. I didn’t go to birthday night. Too many desserts.

I dropped off some cheap donuts for it that I wasn’t tempted to eat. I knew if I bought them they wouldn’t tempt me. Course now I’m craving something sweet. Wish I could get that part of my brain removed.

4-27-14: Skipped breakfast, had leftover steak for lunch, beans for a snack cause I was still hungry, chocolate milk last night, but skim, non-fat milk, chicken for dinner but too much, walked my dog 30 minutes. Lost 2 lbs. more for a total of 23 now. But worn out.

These college kids around here partying make me feel so old. Talked to my sister in Florida and gave her an update on my weight. Wish it didn’t take so long. It’s like watching paint dry.

4-28-14: Skipped breakfast, had an early lunch of a smoothie (1 ½ glasses), fish for dinner, some cheese later cause I got weak. Didn’t get in my exercise today cause I had a research study though I thought about it. The studies always wipe me out. I just couldn’t do it. Feel like I’m coming down with something. Didn’t get enough sleep either. Cheated with a cookie. Feel so weak and fluish.

To be continued in our next…

My 90 day journey of a new weight loss so far (Part 4)
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